Becoming a Chastity Keyholder - A Guide
So your brand new cock cage has arrived, and you can’t wait to try it out! Probably the first thing that you notice, unless you’ve bought a device designed to be inconspicuous and stealthy, is the large padlock which keeps it closed and secure.
And, of course, the keys which open that lock.
If the caged partner keeps the keys himself, he’s likely to give in to temptation and unlock himself way too soon. To prevent that, most male chastity relationships involve him surrendering his device’s keys to a person known as a keyholder.
A keyholder can be anyone – as long as that person consents to the role. Most commonly, it is the caged individual’s romantic and/or sexual partner, but it can also be a friend or professional dominatrix or mistress.
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Many male chastity guides and sites assume a keyholder will automatically be female. This is also not true – anyone, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, can play this role.
Being a keyholder is a responsibility. The caged individual is literally putting their pleasure and safety into your hands.
But keyholding can also be a lot of fun. Think about it as being handed a shiny new toy that belongs only to you. You control when you get to take it out and put it away. You decide what games to play with it, and for how long.
Below is a brief overview of some of the most important elements of keyholding. Learn how to become a mindful, active participant in your partner’s chastity lifestyle, how to assert control and set your own rules, and all the fun and pleasure you can gain from your new and exciting role!
Chastity Keys: An Item and a Symbol
First, let’s talk about the keys themselves.
All of our LockTheCock cock cages come with two keys. It is important to designate one of these as the emergency key and keep it in a secure location at all time. This could be a desk drawer, household safe, safety deposit box, or even with a trusted friend aware of your dynamic.
Cock cages are designed to hold the penis snugly so that that the caged individual cannot escape of his own will. Therefore, it is important to always have one key in a known, safe location.
The second key should remain in possession of the keyholder at all times. As a keyholder, it’s surprisingly easy to forget about your partner’s predicament. You can go about your daily life as normal; he’s got a constant, physical reminder of his current state of denial.
Because of this, it’s important not to “set and forget” – put the key down somewhere and leave it be unless you’re directly using it to unlock his cage. Keep the key displayed prominently to remind your caged partner that you’re an equal participant in his enforced chastity.
One common tactic is to keep the key on your person – for example, attached to a necklace, bracelet or anklet. This serves as a teasing reminder of your control over him every time he looks at you. Tease him further by kissing, playing with, or licking the key whenever you notice him looking.
(Just make sure to keep the key regularly cleaned if it’s going inside your mouth or other orifices. Your health is a priority too!)
Remember, the keys to a cock cage aren’t just an item – they are a powerful symbol. Chastity keys represent your control, his submission, your power and his denial.
They are a sublime erotic irony: the cock-possessing partner surrenders the phallic-shaped key to another, leaving himself with the “hole” of the lock until his keyholder deigns to fill it.
From His Fantasy to Your Reality
Most male chastity relationships begin at the request of the partner who wishes to be caged. He’s discovered cock cages and realized what a fantastic opportunity they provide to satisfy his submissive side.
What that means, though, is that he’s had months or years of fantasizing to create an idealized mental image of how this relationship is going to work out. His keyholder, most likely, is starting from a blank slate – researching and reading articles such as this one to understand exactly how this is going to work.
As a keyholder, one of the most important things is making sure that you are also getting what you need out of this relationship.
A major problem for many couples or groups beginning their male chastity journey is that the caged partner, armed with his fantasies and ideas, will “top from the bottom”. He will make decisions unilaterally about when he gets unlocked and how he gets to come. He will voice what he wants and beg or demand that his partner fulfill it – because, after all, this is his fantasy, right?
It may have started as his fantasy, but it’s both of your reality.
A male chastity relationship will not work unless both partners are gaining pleasure and satisfaction from it. Here are some tips for new keyholders to help you turn your role from a scary new obligation to something fun and pleasurable for all:
Keyholding for Beginners: Helpful Tips
- You make the rules. You don’t have to be a professional dom/domme to be a good keyholder. However, it’s important that you make your voice heard. It will help you feel more confident in your role and it’ll be extremely erotic for your partner. Start out by asserting yourself in small ways – suggest one task for him to complete, or one favor for him to perform for you.
- No is important – and no is wanted. As you begin experimenting with chastity together, your partner will probably make a lot of suggestions. “How about unlocking me this day?” “What about teasing me in this kind of way?” Say no. You don’t have to perfectly fit the mental fantasy he’s probably constructed about how this will go. Include things you want, and include them often. In fact, it’ll be even more pleasurable if you don’t give him his every fantasy, because you’ll be keeping him on his toes and surprising him frequently!
- Take breaks. Becoming a keyholder means stepping into a new role in your daily life. That does not mean it becomes your only role. You’re still a person, friend, employee, sibling, maybe a parent – you’re still everything you were before. Allow yourself breaks when you need them. Remember – not talking about chastity for a little while is yet another way to tease him!
- Mix it up, especially when it comes to his orgasms. Yes, you’re the one in charge. No, that doesn’t have to mean you decide everything all the time. Maybe sometimes you unilaterally decide what day he gets to come. Maybe sometimes you make the decision together. Maybe sometimes you leave it up to chance – using dice or a wheel to decide when and how he comes can be fun for both of you!
- Safewords, safewords, safewords. BOTH you and your partner should have safewords you can use to remove yourself from the chastity dynamic. Him for uncaging, you for putting “chastity chat” on hold and stepping out of the keyholder/caged man dynamic for a little while
Other Helpful Resources
Our LockTheCock website contains a number of articles to help you embrace and enjoy your new role as keyholder. We give examples of setting up a “trial period” to help your partner get used to his new device. We suggest some rules or provide templates of a contract you might use when starting out. And, of course, there are plenty of stories of other's chastity experience to provide fun, spicy ideas for new and experienced keyholders alike!
If your partner wants to try out chastity but you don’t think keyholding is right for you, or if you are interested yourself but don’t have a partner to fill the role, a professional keyholder or keyholding service might be what you need.